Anger Management Edition

Jesus God Almighty in heaven, please somebody, Help me! My head just exploded.

It's a good thing this was the last damn debate because I am ready to tear my last hair out and stamp myself into two pieces every time I watch one of these things. One more of those and I'll have an aneurysm.

Okay, okay, "Serenity NOW!" snarls Eric.

First things first. Debate transcript from the Times. Read it at your peril. The Times' Caucus blog also provides a liveblogged factcheck, as does the Washington Post.
Plus Politico's bite-sized debate videos.

Debate

So I ask you, who do you want next to the Big Red Button? The frantic, fidgety angry, old guy with a grudge, or the unflappable young guy who doesn't break a sweat even when the rest of us are about ready to pop both eyeballs out with apoplectic rage. If I had to watch McCain every day for four years, I'm fairly certain that I'd stick a freaking ice pick through my brain.

[Breathe... breathe... in with the good, out with the bad... in with the good...]

See, this is why I'm not running for president.

Why does John McCain always have to start things out by mentioning someone who's in the hospital? Talking about folks who are sick is like the ultimate Old Guy thing. "Your knee? My hip!!" First it was Ted Kennedy, now it's Nancy Reagan, who BY THE WAY, hates your guts because you dumped her friend Carol in order to marry a prettier, not-crippled beer heiress. Don't think she's forgotten.

Now, Joe the Plumber (plumBer, livebloggers, it's spelled with a "B", it's not "Joe the Plummer") needs to be put mercifully out of business. If I were drowning in broken pipes I wouldn't call Joe, so you, my friend, now have a dead business because we're bloody well sick of hearing about you. Sorry, you are now "Joe the Collateral Damage."

I loathe listening to McCain. He sounds to me not older and wiser, but actually more childish and petulant. He reminds me of a young friend of mine who, when I tell her she should do something, says "I KNOW. I know how to do it..." Now I can understand when she gets a little kvetchy-- she's six. He's 72 and he's rolling his eyes like a child. The whole ticket is like Winkin', Blinkin' and Nod.

It's like someone told both McCain and Palin that facial tics could win them votes. Watch McCain blink about 45 times when Obama tells him that Joe the Plumber will pay ZERO dollars in healthcare fines. Already, before the debate was even over, someone had started mashing up a YouTube video with the best moments of McCain, set to Gnarls Barkley's "Crazy."

Funny thing is, I had a whole subsection already earmarked for tomorrow called "Eye-rolling." I must be psychic. McCain's worst moment by far was his eye-rolling while Obama talked about free trade. Ah, the splitscreen...

The low point of the debate had to be when Bob Schieffer, (whom I dearly wish could have been replaced by Campbell Brown) goaded each of them to talk trash about each other, to their faces. Great. Thanks Bob, for elevating the discourse. But I have to say I thought McCain walked into a trap by going after the Lewis comment about violent rhetoric. Obama had the perfect opening to go right into a pithy line that works really well: "I think the American people are less interested in our hurt feelings than they are in the issues... I don't mind being attacked for the next three weeks, what the American people can't afford is four more years of failed economic policies." What's even worse, is that as Obama is recounting that Palin never stopped her supporters when people shouted "terrorist" and "kill him," McCain is DOODLING on his yellow Pad.

Obama tries to take the high road and says that they can disagree without being disagreeable, McCain drags it right back into the mud.

And WHAT was with the "air quotes" when he talked about concern for a mother's health. McCain says: "He's [airquotes] health {air quotes] for the mother. You know, that's been stretched by the pro-abortion movement in America to mean almost anything. That's the extreme pro-abortion position, quote, 'health.'" Really? Seriously? You put airquotes around the idea of being concerned for a woman's HEALTH?? Just to be clear, you mean to indicate that you feel that a woman's health is obviously a completely bogus issue compared to a fetus' health.

I take comfort in the fact that as he did the "air quote" gesture, you could hear dozens of cameras clicking away madly. Yes, my paparazzi friends, capture that moment of supreme condescension and absolute filthy insensitivity. At the UK Guardian, Melissa McEwan says tartly, "Ah, yes. Hello there, Straw-Woman Who Gets Abortions Willy-Nilly in Her Third Trimester Because She's a Silly Flibbertigibbet With a Hangnail. Nice to see you again. If McCain hasn't reached the nadir of his appalling campaign with that moment, I don't want to see it when he does."

Okay, must concentrate...finding my Temple of Positivity. I can only beg everyone to please, please, for the love of Mike, please put him out of our misery.