Sarah Palin's Absolutely Fabulous Bailout Plan

And now, the untold story of Sarah Palin's heroic efforts to put the US economy back on track single-handedly. With the US economy sliding inexorably downward and a gridlocked Congress waffling over whether or not to pass a bailout package, Palin swiftly sprang into action by injecting $150,000 directly into the economy, by making massive purchases of toxic designer clothing and makeup. Well, okay, actually it's not true. She bought all those clothes BEFORE the meltdown. But she just KNEW it would help the economy later. Politico first broke this....amazing... story--which promises to have the kicking power of Imelda Marcos' shoes--after going through the finance statements of the RNC. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, Ms. "Charge Alaska $17,000 for staying in her OWN HOUSE in Wasilla" has struck again, spending $75,000 at Neiman Marcus and almost $50,000 at Saks 5th Avenue, plus $4,716.49 on hair and makeup. Kimberly, help me out here, I know that first jacket is Valentino, but do you know what any of these others are?

And according to the Washington Post Sleuth, Palin's travelling makeup artist, Amy Strozzi (of So You Think You Can Dance?) received $13,200 in September alone. Ah. We now know who was responsible for Palin's week of disastrously heavy blusher. By the way, on the RNC finance docs, Strozzi is listed as a "communications consultant."

And on the topic of hair, Daily Beast has put together a video of Palin's various hairstyles, which may yet convince you that this woman does need thousands of dollars worth of help.

Seriously though, you couldn't ask Cindy McCain to take you shopping? Hello? Cindy can teach you something about REAL spending. Everything you spent on all those clothes? Would only have bought one of Cindy's earrings.

So do you think her next "Donate to the RNC" email will mention that she also needs "a new pair of black pumps-- like the red ones, in snakeskin, but dark, for evening?"

Vice President of the Whole Darned Universe

Palin was also back in the interview hotseat, and still unclear about that VP job thing. Thanks to Dina for sending this one along. Grit your teeth everyone..."Yesterday, Gov. Sarah Palin (R-AK) sat for an interview with KUSA, an NBC affiliate in Colorado. In response to a question sent to the network by a third grader at a local elementary school about what the Vice President does, Palin erroneously argued that the Vice President is "in charge of the United States Senate":

Q: Brandon Garcia wants to know, "What does the Vice President do?"

PALIN: That's something that Piper would ask me! … [T]hey're in charge of the U.S. Senate so if they want to they can really get in there with the senators and make a lot of good policy changes that will make life better for Brandon and his family and his classroom.

Northern XXXposure

Hustler's resident maverick Larry Flynt is back, this time with an adult-themed video presentation starring a lookalike of America's Hottest Governor helping out two Russian soldiers when their tank breaks down outside of her house. RawStory reports that the script includes Palin flinging "herself on a tanning-bed repairman, pronouncing, 'You're in luck. I fully support off-shore and on-shore drilling. ... God almighty! You are hung like a moose. Now I have to eat ya! ... Pound me until my head is so empty that I can't even remember the name of the one Supreme Court case I actually know!'" You can see some scenes (safe scenes, this is on YouTube after all) of his epic "Who' Nailin' Paylin?" here, although you WILL have to confirm you're old enough to view the content. Hah. RawStory also reports that Fox News has concluded that such um... political parody is, indeed, legal. Of course... 'cause Larry's a pro at this.