Through the Looking Glass

A Special Message: We are issuing a shorter edition this morning because, My Fellow Americans, today we are in the midst of an historic crisis of logic. I am therefore directing my campaign to suspend my disbelief-- also, to salt it liberally and dry it out a little with a spice rub-- and tomorrow we will HICKORY SMOKE THAT SUCKER.

Oh God, why are Stephen Colbert and Jon Stewart so freaking funny? The best cover of the week-- Colbert and Stewart recreate the Michelle & Barack Obama cover from the New Yorker. "Stewart stops briefly to pose a taste question. As he stands by the catering table in ''secret Muslim'' garb, he ponders, ''Would it be weird to be dressed like this and have a bagel, salmon, and a schmear?'"

Get yours before they sell out of them.

Can I just ask -- when did the Republicans become the Grand Old Party of Cancellation? A hurricane hits four states away, and they cancel the first day of their convention in St. Paul and McCain runs to the Gulf Coast so he can---what? Wrap bandages? Staple-gun cardboard on the windows? What do you think you can do to help exactly? So, now the economy is tanking, and he cancels the debate and suspends his campaign to run back to Washington so he can, what? Wrap bandages? Staple-gun cardboard to the windows? WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU CAN DO?? Nobody in Washington LIKES you anymore.

Okay, [pulls up pants and straightens glasses] here we go.

So, yesterday, I left the house at 2:30 pm, after reluctantly detaching myself from the computer. "Ehn," I thought, "Gotta get to work and anyway, nothing's going to happen today..." At 2:46 pm, McCain's campaign sent out the word that he was suspending his campaign and wanted to cancel the debate. I was gone fifteen minutes, people. I stop watching for fifteen minutes and the campaign world goes to hell in a handbasket.

Anyhow, I'm still chuckling over Letterman's jibes last night. In case you didn't see it, Dave spent just about two thirds of the show going ON about McCain not only suspending his campaign, but worse, canceling his appearance on Letterman --telling Dave that he had to get on a plane and RUSH back to Washington to fix this bailout thing. But then (insult on injury!), there was Johnny Mac, appearing on Katie Couric's show with an exclusive interview--at the same exact moment he was supposed to be on Dave's couch! Yes, through the magic of TeeVee, Dave patched in a live feed to the CBS News studio so we could all watch So You Think You Can Dance and American Idol makeup artist Tifanie White was applying her $5000 magic to the candidate while he made small talk with Katie Couric. Oops.

Dave's Top Ten Questions People are Asking The John McCain Campaign

• #10 "I just contributed to your campaign – how do I get a refund?"
• #9 "It's Sarah Palin –- does this mean I'm pars'dent?"
• #8 "Can't you solve this by selling some of your houses?"
• #7 "This is Clay Aiken. Is McCain single?"
• #6 "Do you still think the fundamentals of our economy are strong, Genius?"
• #5 "Are you doing all of this just to get out of going on Letterman?"
• #4 "What would Matlock do?"
• #3 "Hillary here –- my schedule is free Friday night."
• It'll be interesting here to see if Barack Obama feels the need to suspend his campaign to go down there and work on the economy. He's also a senator. And his running mate, Joe Biden, he's also a senator. So there, those two guys have to get back to work. So, of course, they'll suspend their campaign. Don't you think? The Democrats are now at a real disadvantage because Barack Obama has got to race back and fix the economy. So does Joe Biden. He has to race back and fix the economy. But the Republicans have Sarah Palin, the governor of Alaska. The Alaska economy is fine. It don't need fixing. It's fine. So she'll continue the campaign. So the Democrats are really in a hole now.
• #2 "Is this just an excuse to catch up on napping?"
• #1 "This is President Bush –- what's all this trouble with the economy?"

Hey, Dave! Turns out McCain's STILL in New York this morning-- speaking at Bill Clinton's Global Initiative! Damn, baby--dissed and disMISSED.

Yeah, everyone's got insights into why McCain "suspended" his campaign (Such a hard time typing that with a straight face.)

• His poll numbers were dropping and he needed a way to look all statesmanlike.
• He thinks the timing is terrible to talk about foreign policy at a time when no one wants to hear about it.
  
• He's saving money.
• He wanted to force the cancellation of the VP debate.
• He's hysterical in a crisis and completely lost his mind.
  

The NY Times yesterday with snapshots from McCain's suspended-in-the-air Crazy Horse maneuver: "Senator Harry Reid of Nevada, the Democratic majority leader, said Mr. McCain and Mr. Obama should not return to Washington and inject presidential politics into the bailout negotiations....'What, does McCain think the Senate will still be working at 9 p.m. Friday?' Gov. Edward G. Rendell of Pennsylvania said in an interview, referring to the scheduled start time of the debate. 'I think this is all political...' Mr. Obama did say with a glint of humor that both he and Mr. McCain were capable of engaging in the debate and negotiations in Congress at the same time. 'If it turns out that we need to be in Washington, we've both got big planes — we've painted our slogans on the sides of them,' Mr. Obama said. 'They can get us from Washington, D.C., to Mississippi fairly quickly.'"

Huffpo adds to the suspension: "We're trying to rescue the economy, not the McCain campaign," said Rep. Barney Frank. And they add this delicately worded barb from Republican Chris Dodd (who seems annoyed, because "Dag-nab-it, HE'S ACTUALLY BEEN WORKING ON THIS PLAN!"): "I'm delighted that John is expressing himself on this issue," said Chris Dodd, chairman of the Senate Banking Committee. "I have heard from Obama numerous occasions these last couple days. I have never heard from John McCain on the issue... I'm just worried a little bit that sort of politicizing this problem, sort of flying in here, I'm beginning to think this is more of a rescue plan for John McCain and not a rescue plan for the economy."

John Dickerson at Slate makes several obvious, but well-suspended observations about the ploy: "Even more than his selection of Sarah Palin as running mate, this gambit feels like a wild improvisation someone in the McCain team mapped out on his chest: OK, you run to the fire hydrant, cut left, and then when he gets to the Buick, John, you heave it."

McCain's big gamble remind me of the article "Craps and Poker" from Time, about the suspense created by gaming temperament differences between McCain and Obama: "In practice, the political battle is both a crapshoot and a poker game, a study in managing risk and in manipulating people. And there is no bigger gamble than a presidential run, which both candidates have conducted very differently this cycle. McCain's campaign, like his life, has been marked by its embrace of living dangerously and by clear runs of fortune and disappointment. Obama, meanwhile, has succeeded, no less remarkably, by diligently executing a premeditated strategy."

The Wall Street Journal refuses to suspend disbelief. Today's editorial says: "Last we checked, the President of the United States was still George W. Bush, the Secretary of the Treasury was still Henry Paulson, the Chairman of the Federal Reserve was still Ben Bernanke, and Congress still had 533 members not running for President who are at least nominally competent to debate and pass legislation. So count us as mystified by Senator John McCain's decision yesterday to suspend his campaign and call for a postponement in Friday's first Presidential debate so that he and Barack Obama can work out a consensus bill to stabilize the financial system. This is supposed to be evidence of leadership?"

Oh, and incidentally, let we forget...Rick Davis, the one who McCain says suspended all activity with his lobbying firm? You know, the McCain campaign adviser whose lobbying firm was paid $30,000 a month by Freddie Mac til 2005, then got $15,000 a month from Freddie as part of a different firm until LAST MONTH, but whom McCain claimed was no longer "with" the firm? That guy? Yeah, he's still the treasurer and corporate director of the firm. It's listed. In the public record.

==========================

Financial WIZARDS

Betty notes that someone has at last used the "F" word in describing this bailout, and it ain't "finance":"Our government and its owners appear to be testing how much the American public will tolerate. A few years ago, no one could have imagined that the silent majority would quietly accept thefts of this magnitude from a government that stopped tiny payments to single mothers with poor children in the name of welfare reform because the program's $10 billion cost was breaking the federal budget.This isn't socialism, it's fascism."

At TPM, mswogger has come to the same conclusion: "Frankly, that word is fascism. It's no secret that corporations are fascist entities themselves, where decisions are made by a select few that can affect millions of people who have no say in the matter. But this government-corporate 'partnership' (for lack of a better term) is the epitome of fascism. As Mussolini and his partner Giovanni Gentile wrote in 1932, 'We are, in other words, a state which controls all forces acting in nature. We control political forces, we control moral forces we control economic forces, therefore we are a full-blown Corporative state.'"

The Swedes watch as the US basically copies a page from Swedish history. Couldn't we learn something from their financial crisis in the 90s?

The Wall Street Journal notes too that "a massive nonpartisan campaign to mobilize Hispanics to register to vote could create a surge of Latino voters, especially in several swing states, which would likely benefit Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama." The National Association on Latino Elected and Appointed Officials and Impremedia hope to register 1 million Hispanic voters in the campaign launching this weekend -- you know, if they don't suspend it. "Ya es Hora! Ve y Vota!"

======================

Debate prep continues for Friday at 6pm PDT, 8pm Miss. time, 9pm EDT. Latest word is that Obama says he'll be there on Friday, and if McCain is a no-show, he'll do a one-on-one with Lehrer or make it into a town-hall. Oh, I would love that, but raise your hand if you think McCain is going to let Obama have that much free TV time to air his policies alone. Anyone? Anyone?

40 days to the election, if we don't um... suspend it. Reminder again that, for many states, would-be voters must not suspend their willingness to register well in advance of the elections. RockTheVote's list of voter registration deadlines. And if you're voting absentee, Declare Yourself has links to each state's voter information page where you can find out how to get your absentee ballot. Feel free to unsuspend your friends in the swing states, and do let me know if you know someone who'd like to be appended to, not suspended from, my ranting list!

And, I do try to keep updating my political page. If I don't suspend it.

Where are my suspenders anyway? I'm going to sell them and donate the $5 to Obama.